I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
