i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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