You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
