I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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