I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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