i just wanna soil my oats bro
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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