I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
