Pregnant stripper...not hot.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
