Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize