I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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