You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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