Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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