I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
