New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
