Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
