The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
