we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
