it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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