There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Randomize
