dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
