Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize