Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
