So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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