So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize