Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Randomize
