Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
