this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
