"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
