That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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