That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
