Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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