addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
