I faked an abortion last night.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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