Betty ford says i'm here all night
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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