So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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