Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
