this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
