The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
