Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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