We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize