I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
