You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
