I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
