dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
