Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
