We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
