I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Randomize
