My liver just broke up with me...
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
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