youre lurking in front of me
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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