If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
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