Swine flu. Run for my life!
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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