i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
