he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
