no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
