I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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