Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize