i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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