So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
