I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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