lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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