her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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