you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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