There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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