im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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