if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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