No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I need a beard to bite.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
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