how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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