I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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