your parents love me but you hate me
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize