oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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