I will die if light touches me.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
