Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
