Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
