I'm so fucking centered right now
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
