I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
It's blow job season.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
