return my video game
I need to stop coming to work sober
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
