Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
