therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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