Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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