I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
