She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
