the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
