I hate your face
A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I feel great
I just peed on a car
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
That accounts for only three of the penises
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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