Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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