I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize