The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
