Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
