Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
