I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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