My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
