my mouth tastes like poor choices
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
