I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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