you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
