Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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