Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Randomize
