he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize